why can’t you care?

i don’t care if me being this big cry for help is embarrassing or pathetic or weak. i care that the second i do ask for help, no one fucking cares enough to help. everyone’s all talk when i wonder how people can get help, saying things about how others are not meant to be psychics. for some reason, though, when i do ask for help, no one fucking cares and i’m still left alone, wondering how people can get help.

Sitting in the corner of her room, rocking herself to a state somewhere between sleep and awake, dead and alive, she’s almost there; 
the thoughts don’t make any sense; 
the breathing has calmed down; 
the eyes have been fixated on her knees for so long she doesn’t even know what she’s looking at anymore; 

the feeling still remains.

The feeling of wow-i-remember-what-it-used-to-be-like-looking-at-all-of-them-wondering-howcouldthey-howcouldthey-howcouldthey mixed with the feeling of now-she-is-looking-at-all-that-is-left-of-me-wondering-howcanshe-howcanshe-howcanshe; 
the mixed up feeling once again getting mixed up with another feeling; 
it-is-wrong-wrong-wrong-it-is-wrong; 
and another; 
it-is-okay-it-is-fine-it-will-be-fine-you-can-do-it-do-not-bail-on-us-now-we-have-come-so-far-just-a-little-more-more-more-a-little-more-please.

She tries to zone out the feelings, thinking that rocking will help; 
looking at her knees will help; 
thinking of nothing except babbles will help; 
they must help; 
they will help; 

she needs to try harder.

do-not-care-do-not-care-donotcare-about-this-now-do-not-think-about-this-now—-tomorrow-is-a-new-day-leave-thinking-for-new-days-new-beginnings-not-now-not-now-you-cannot-now-you-need-to-be-numb-now—-feelingless-emotionless-less-of-a-human-now.

Rocking; 
and rocking; 
it all becomes blurry; 
emotionless; 
numb; 


free.

- Numb (written by me)

i can’t think. thinking only brings you anxiety, worries, badbadbad things. i want to lay in bed, motionless, thoughtless, numb.

i want to be numb.

the fact that i can’t post this on my other tumblr - where some people actually take the time to respond because they have known me for a few years now - because someone i know irl follows me there is not helping.

tinymarionette:

transition (by Lucia Rubio)

hollytralala:

Fuck

milaconspires:

Umbrella by Mike Shinoda

Bringing this back because of reasons. And unicorns.

zh-unknownerror:

blackthorn diadem